Shhhhh. Don't tell Mommy I'm writing on 6wayintersection. I'm not one of the original six.
Guess what? Last week I had a birthday. Birthdays are scary. Don't have one.
That morning, Mommy swept all my cheerios off the floor... that always means company's coming. Mommy bought 2 folding chairs. Must be important company. Sure enough 2 families showed up. They brought little kids that Mommy calls my "friends". They played with my toys.
After dinner, Mommy put fire on a cake. Everybody suddenly started singing a loud song and staring at me. I said "down" but nobody listened. Then she put the fire right by my face! This is the same mommy that says "No, little bug, don't touch, it's HOT!" whenever I look at the big fire in the living room. After the grown ups laughed at me, Mommy blew the fire out. I thought life was getting better.
But it was getting worse. Daddy put something else on my tray. It was frigid, wet, and gooey. Then it dawned on me. This was snow in disguise! Snow makes me cold. "Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice..." Was this the end of the world?
When they finally pushed a wet rag all over my face and set me down, all the grown-ups wanted me to rip paper. Mommy teaches me not to tear my books or her ecli... elci.. eclitrissty bills. I gave them what they wanted, I ripped the paper. There were boxes inside! Small boxes, big boxes, funny shaped boxes! Silly grown-ups threw all the boxes away and tried to get me interested in toys. I was too tired to have any more "fun".
So, if anybody ever says, "Hey, wanna have a birthday?" Just say no.
But if you go to a restarant and it's the day after your birthday, ask for a helium balloon. Daddy asked for me. Maybe the waiter will draw a funny face on it. Maybe they'll let you hold the string all dinner long. Maybe they'll give it to you again when you wake up the next morning. Maybe your daddy will breathe in the air and talk like a squirrel.